I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
