Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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