grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
