and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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