Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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