i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize