She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
