Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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