in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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