Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
