I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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