What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
