Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
