More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
