So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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