How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
