guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
