I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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