wat bout pragnant strippers??
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you inspire me to be a worse person
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
