so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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