How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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