Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
