So drunk its hurt
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
