I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
