i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
