Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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