last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize