it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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