dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize