One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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