I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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