He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
