it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
