Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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