I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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