you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I need moral support for this bender
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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