Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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