FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
