You really coming over, don't trick.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My bed smells like the plague
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
