That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
