Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
