just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
