I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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