Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
