We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
