i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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