it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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