Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
