sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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