"it" just moved
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
