I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
