google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
