i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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