Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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