Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
