I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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