i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
whose ass print is on the piano?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
