After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
