Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
