There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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