Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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