didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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