i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
