OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
