Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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