Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
