Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
