Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
