I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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