it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
