Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
