What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i came on her dog
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
