We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
