I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize