my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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