Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
