It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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