i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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