Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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