um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This is classic penis vs brain.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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