We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
