it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
