dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
