I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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