Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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