I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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