He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
