im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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