doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
