I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
