anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
