i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
there is puke in my bra ... again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize