He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
