and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
