hell yes lets make some ravioli
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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