Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
