Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
