The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you had me at cake vodka
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Bring me that man meat
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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