He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize