Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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