o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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