I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
wow bdsm is so cute
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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