She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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