I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
