All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
