thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize