She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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