I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
