she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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