I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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